Anyone else wake up really early in the morning, and stare into darkness until day breaks? This was me this morning, on a Monday nevertheless. I woke up while it was still dark out, and couldn’t go back to sleep. My husband leaves around 4:30 a.m. for work. He leaves the curtains open so it’s easier for me to wake up. This morning he kissed me goodbye as he does every morning, but when he left I woke up and stayed up. When I looked up again it was 6:45 a.m.
When I work nights I’m up and about in the mornings. I need to wind down after work so I try to get a few things done before I knock out. Her royal highness had a stomach bug this weekend, so I shut down all my plans, stayed home from work, and put on my nurse mom hat. By Sunday she was better but I didn’t feel great. I don’t know if I was catching her bug, or if nursing her back to health drained me, but I was exhausted.
I called out again last night which is a rarity for me. To be honest, I just didn’t feel like going to work. Mentally and physically I wasn’t there. I turned off my phone, read a little, and called it a night around 10 p.m. When I got into bed I fell right to sleep. The next thing I know, my husband was leaving. As soon as he closed my bedroom door, my eyes opened and stayed opened. I didn’t have to be up for another two hours. I thought I would go back to sleep eventually, but I just laid there staring into space. I remember my first thought. It was a song. Something my daughter keeps playing over and over again on a video app. I don’t know why that came to mind at that time. All of a sudden a wave of thoughts just rushed in. Stuff that hadn’t been resolved. I shut everything down this weekend to tend to my daughter, so it seems like what was on pause was resurfacing consciously. The only problem is, it was keeping me awake.
We really do obsess about things in our mind when we are still. Random thoughts raced in my head for over two hours. I thought about my poor co-workers who were down one person for the last two nights. I thought about my phone that’s starting to crash all of a sudden. I wondered if my husband resented me because I criticized a video editing project he was working on. He never said anything but I got a chilly vibe when I was giving him advice. I thought about my daughter and my suspicion that she is developing sensitivities to certain dairy products because she threw up ice cream.
My mind was doing way too much. Most of these thoughts had some underlying guilt. If I had been asleep, there’s no telling how many weird dreams I would have had. When I got up at 6:45, I took 30 minutes to deal with each situation. I made sure my co-workers were ok last night, I plugged my phone into my computer and backed it up, I wrote out my 3 item to-do-list, I checked my patio (from inside. I’m no fool. ) The noise was ice melting off the roof. I text my husband the download link to the editing manual so he can have it by his side when needed. I decided to be more conscious of my daughter’s dairy intake to make sure she’s ok. This is not the first time she’s had issues with ice cream, so I put it on my to-do list to make an appointment with her pediatrician. Once I completed my list, I woke up the queen for school. Maybe this is what I should have done last night before I went to sleep. I definitely feel at ease. Now I need a nap. Goodnight!
Do you wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble getting back to sleep?